I am well aware that not every encounter in my life is going to be to my liking. I would be foolish to think otherwise. Knowing this to be the case, I am going to be wronged at some point.
There was a point in my life that these things would be big dramatic episodes in my life. These things would eat at me and I would drag them along for a while. These are the things that I would let control my emotions, my thought process and in turn would control my actually physical actions. It has taken some time in my life to be able to let go of these things.
Though I let the actions that caused all of these event go, I was still holding on to a piece of it. I was never truly letting go. I still had the resentment, the anger, the want for retaliation. So, in turn, this person or thing still had control over me, still had a hold on a part of me.
As I sit here writing this tonight, I can honestly tell you, NO ONE HAS THAT CONTROL ANYMORE! It is not because I don't get wronged. It is not because I have retaliated against everyone that has wronged me. It is not even because in my kinder, gentler days I brush it off. It IS simply because what ever is done to me is forgiven.
Don't get me wrong. This has not been an easy place to come to in my life. My kindness is not a weakness. However, I have found it easier to let things go before they ever even get to a point that is out of control. I still may get rowdy from time to time, but I DO NOT hold on to it for any length of time. It has become easier to just take my leave from the situation and smile knowing that though someone or something might have done something to me, I will not relinquish control of me to them.
That was the easy side of things... The hardest person that I have trouble forgiving is myself. It goes back to I will always be harder on me than anyone else ever could. So the things that have been the hardest aren't the things that others have done, but rather, the things that I have done to myself.
This is where I am at tonight. As I am dealing with things in my head and heart and letting go of things, I am finding hard to forgive myself for the choices that I have made in my life. However, as I cycle through my life over and over, I am finding peace in the events and giving myself the release from it that had held me in place for sooo long. This I CAN TELL YOU DOES NOT COME EASY! But it did come for me.
So, as you deal with the things that have haunted you in your life. If you feel the anger, the resentment, the want for retaliation... let it go. Forgive whatever it is, whoever it is... It is not worth the time lost. It is not worth giving someone else that control over you.
Give the forgiveness before it is ever has to be asked for. I know from experience, you will be THE better person for it. If it is yourself that you have to forgive, take the time to do so, DO NOT let it hold you in place from moving forward.
The kinder, gentler...
(However... Nobody's Bitch)