As I sit here tonight, I know that there are not a lot of people that are ever going to take interest in my writings. They are usually very specific to my life, my experiences and my outlook on things. Now is saying that, this is just one way I am able to get things off of my chest. This is just me putting ideas down that are mine, they effect me and the ones in my life.
Now with that being said, I have learned that over the years that the easiest way to let things get out of hand is to not deal with them. It is to do nothing and hope that it fixes itself. Now when it is just an issue that concerns me and only me, I have nothing to be concerned with. However, when it involves someone else that is where I struggled the most.
I struggle only because in the moment I usually didn't have anything nice to say. I have been told on more than one occasion that my tongue has been more hurtful than anything else that I could have possibly done. It has been that lashing and hurtful crap that comes out of my mouth that has cost me in the past. Well I learned from that mistake. I tried, and still do try, not to lash and say inappropriate trash in the heat of the moment.
So taking that lesson learned and applying it into my life, I went from one extreme to the other. Which, too, I found to be just as bad, if not worse than the lashing. Unfortunately, with this approach, I was the one that was getting hurt. I was the one that was letting things go unsaid until they were out of control. Then the "Contents Under Pressure" sticker shows up and then diarrhea of the mouth.
I decided that it was easier to not talk at all then to have the ensuing fight, argument, altercation, indifference or whatever you may call it. I decided that, for all parties involved, my mouth shut was the best thing for everyone. I blew off conversations with the ones that were trying to help me through my hardest times, only because I didn't want to have to deal with it in that moment. I used terms like "I'm fine" and "it's all good" and "very well", just to avoid getting into a conversation that I didn't want to have in the moment.
Now that I am getting a little more seasoned in my life, I am finding that if I just deal with the situation at hand, in that moment, I don't have to carry it with me until I am ready to deal with it. If I am able to get it off of my chest, in that moment, right then and there, it is over for me. This has become one of the greatest assets in my box of problem solving abilities. I have learned that I don't need to run away from the situation to not say hurtful garbage. I don't have to concede to get what I want. All I have to do is verbalize it.
Once the thought passes the lips it is there. It is real. So now there is no misunderstanding about what might be going on in my head!!! ASK! I will try to give you a decisive answer this way there is no room for interpretation. Now, there are exceptions to just about everything... There are people in my life that I just have not been able to do this with. There are people that I still hold my tongue for, and I am still the one getting hurt. However, in the long and short of things, I believe that it is still for the greater good. There is a time and place for things and I just have not found that spot just yet!
What does all of this have to do with anything?!? Without communication I would not be where I am today. If you can't communicate or convey what the problems are, you cannot get through them. Lashing will get you nowhere. Silence will get you nowhere. But tactfully being able to say what needs to be said in the moment will go further than you could ever imagine. If you are having problems in your life, talk through them, and be honest. Deal with all parties involved until it is worked through and you are happy with the end result. Be concise, leave no room for interpretation. If not you could end up with a lot more baggage than necessary.
Without communication we fail each other. Without communication we fail ourselves.